Well, it's been a while.... 5 months and countless tests later, reading over those two old entries still makes me cry. Those feelings are still there, still palpable. Even though it's definitely easier now to get out of bed in the morning, do what I need to do, try to be social...things still don't feel quite right. It occurred to me a while ago that this is one of those things that I'll likely never "get over." Like most significant losses, I'm learning to walk around with it, to let it become part of who I am, of my story... and it definitely has changed me, for better or worse. I am always going to wonder who that kid might have been. I will always wonder - why did I find out on my birthday? Which was also the same day as my father's retirement party- it truly felt like, as a family, everyone was getting ready to move on to the next chapter. Why did one of my best friends predict it was going to happen that week, and then it did, and then ...